Tag Archives: low self-esteem

I have issues: Part 4 — Fear of Annoying People

I hate to be a bother. I hate to annoy people. I get worked up about possibly saying the wrong thing to someone at a party and worry about it the next day, and beyond. I don’t know how normal this is. I don’t normally talk about it, but I know it is the root of a few of my character flaws, like why I usually wait for people to call me, rarely initiate things with friends and why I dislike asking for help of any kind. I don’t want to bother them if they are in the middle of something. I don’t want to annoy them with my request. I don’t run my air conditioner if I don’t absolutely have to because a neighbor complained that it was loud — I wouldn’t want to bother her in her quietly air conditioned house. I just want to live my life and not be a bother to anyone.

Until the past couple of years this issue only manifested itself in real life, but lately I’ve been more conscious of feeling this way about my online interactions. For instance, when I first became active in Facebook I had all sorts of things streaming on my “wall”. I had my twitter feed and my friendfeed sent to my Facebook wall. I also allowed whatever app I was using on Facebook to be sent to my wall. These notices were then sent to my Facebook friends’ newsfeeds and I annoyed at least one person enough that he deleted me from his friends. When I asked him about it he suggested I join twitter if I wanted to update my status as often as I seemed to be updating it. I explained that it was twitter that was doing it.

Anyway, after that I tried to limit what was posted to my wall. I made a few mistakes, but seemed to be doing fine. Lately, however, a number of people are posting status reports that they are annoyed by other people’s wall posts. Of course (another of my issues is thinking that I’m to blame for everything) I assumed they were talking about my wall posts. Was my app/external site usage being seen by my followers and I didn’t know it? I searched the settings and double checked that what I was doing on Facebook was not annoying anyone. Not bothering them.

And then there is this blog. The theme or the plugins or the widgets is causing problems with commenting and viewing. I’ve spent entire days troubleshooting and have not found an answer.

This is one issue that is not going to be fixed by writing a post about it. I expect that I’ll have this issue until the day I die. I imagine it is part of a larger issue.

So if I annoy you in real life or on Facebook or on Twitter or on my blog, please accept my apologies. I really don’t do it on purpose.

new contact lenses

It is a dreary day here in the DC Metro area. I had to drive to Springfield (halfway around the beltway) to go to my optometrist this morning. I always put this off – I mean what normal middle aged woman wouldn’t? Dr Adam is nice enough, but who wants to be told they are getting old and need stronger reading glasses?

Another thing about that place that bothers me. 90% of the women that work there are gorgeous. It is a real blow to one’s self-esteem to pay them a visit. For the most part they are nice enough, but there are a few who are so fakey nice that it makes me want to vomit.

I nearly did today, actually, but not because of a fakey nice person. Dr Adam fitted me with a pair of contact lenses that made me nauseous. One is way weaker than the other and this is supposed to solve the reading and distance issues. Not for me. I couldn’t see up close at all, and far away clear but looking out made me sick to my stomach. My husband has this “mono vision” and loves it. I am sick thinking about it.

Got a nice new pair of glasses though – at least I will in a couple of weeks.

Why do I continue to drive the beltway to go somewhere I feel inferior? Easy – they are on our insurance plan and it is familiar.

Yeah – this is nearly a throw away post, but my husband is taking me out to dinner and I must rush!