It’s been a while since I wrote an I have issues blog post. It’s not that the issues are gone, it’s just that I have not been dwelling on them lately. Just now, and a few days ago, I cut a circle of parchment paper to line a 9-inch circular cake pan. Today, as well as a few days ago, as I cut in jagged snips around the circle I remembered my Mom’s reaction to my use of scissors. I think she asked if anyone had ever taught me to use scissors. While I don’t exactly recall the words she spoke, I can recall how they made me feel.
This was a school assignment and I was to cut something out that was probably printed on paper using the purple lines created by a mimeograph machine. It might have been a bear. This might also have been an assignment I’d not gotten to in class because I was slow in doing my assignments and the teachers often sent unfinished work home with me.
My cutting was jagged and uneven. The finished product looked nothing like what it was supposed to look. Mom scolded me, possibly yelled at me in frustration, then recreated the cutout on fresh paper and cut it out herself. It made me think that I was a failure because I couldn’t cut things out properly.
To this day I avoid cutting things with scissors. Sure, I will use scissors to cut wrapping paper, but who cares about precision in the cut ends of wrapping paper? I bought a paper cutter when I was a volunteer in my daughter’s class and had to cut straight lined things for the students.
Cutting a 9-inch diameter circle to line a cake pan requires precision and when I have to do that I remember my feelings about using scissors as a child. I’m no good and bad at cutting.
Regardless, the cake always turns out fine. I may not be able to cut things out properly, but I can make a damned good cake.
I remember when my first grade teacher yelled at me for not coloring within the lines. No one had ever suggested to me before that I should. (I still have art phobia.)
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Oh yes, coloring within the lines. I was scolded for coloring outside of the lines by a few teachers (and my mom). And I understand art phobia. I still have it too.
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