Tag Archives: facebook

I have issues: Part 4 — Fear of Annoying People

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I hate to be a bother. I hate to annoy people. I get worked up about possibly saying the wrong thing to someone at a party and worry about it the next day, and beyond. I don’t know how normal this is. I don’t normally talk about it, but I know it is the root of a few of my character flaws, like why I usually wait for people to call me, rarely initiate things with friends and why I dislike asking for help of any kind. I don’t want to bother them if they are in the middle of something. I don’t want to annoy them with my request. I don’t run my air conditioner if I don’t absolutely have to because a neighbor complained that it was loud — I wouldn’t want to bother her in her quietly air conditioned house. I just want to live my life and not be a bother to anyone.

Until the past couple of years this issue only manifested itself in real life, but lately I’ve been more conscious of feeling this way about my online interactions. For instance, when I first became active in Facebook I had all sorts of things streaming on my “wall”. I had my twitter feed and my friendfeed sent to my Facebook wall. I also allowed whatever app I was using on Facebook to be sent to my wall. These notices were then sent to my Facebook friends’ newsfeeds and I annoyed at least one person enough that he deleted me from his friends. When I asked him about it he suggested I join twitter if I wanted to update my status as often as I seemed to be updating it. I explained that it was twitter that was doing it.

Anyway, after that I tried to limit what was posted to my wall. I made a few mistakes, but seemed to be doing fine. Lately, however, a number of people are posting status reports that they are annoyed by other people’s wall posts. Of course (another of my issues is thinking that I’m to blame for everything) I assumed they were talking about my wall posts. Was my app/external site usage being seen by my followers and I didn’t know it? I searched the settings and double checked that what I was doing on Facebook was not annoying anyone. Not bothering them.

And then there is this blog. The theme or the plugins or the widgets is causing problems with commenting and viewing. I’ve spent entire days troubleshooting and have not found an answer.

This is one issue that is not going to be fixed by writing a post about it. I expect that I’ll have this issue until the day I die. I imagine it is part of a larger issue.

So if I annoy you in real life or on Facebook or on Twitter or on my blog, please accept my apologies. I really don’t do it on purpose.

A Facebook New Year’s Eve

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Last night, while Indigo Bunting was Burning Sugartown and Deloney was talking to Glen and Fay was dodging fireworks and Helen was thinking about hair and penguins I was discovering Facebook.

Now, let it be known, I signed up on Facebook only a few months after it opened its doors to non-students. I’d wondered about this private space for young folks ever since I heard about it through college students I knew.  I was not impressed when I first signed up. My daughter took pity on me and became my friend so my profile didn’t pathetically proclaim “Dona Patrick has no friends”. So I poked around. And poked Clare. And she poked me back. And I poked her. Booorrrinnnng.

Then I got some other friends — my son (who later unfriended me), and some friends I knew online for years. They sent me gifts like growing things and I sent them things like growing things. I logged on occassionally, but it just didn’t hold my interest. I was tired of poking and of strange friend requests and of growing gifts. I even got into the zombie thing. <shakes head>

A few nights ago, after a couple of too many glasses of wine I showed Facebook to my mom and I left drunken comments and messages — one to someone I thought I knew but who was someone else with that same name.

So — last night I thought I’d try again. After all, my kids spend a lot of time on Facebook — there must be some attraction. First of all, the interface has changed. It is cleaner than it was before. I’ve learned to use the ignore button a lot. I’m ignoring gifts — you always have to add something to your Facebook in order to view them anyway.  I’ve also started to ignore friend suggestions because when I tried to befriend someone whose name I knew she flat out rejected me! Ouch….

I did find my best friend from junior high and part of high school. She’s not gotten back yet though. 25% chance that she’ll reject me too. I also found my husband’s distant cousin who I met at his mom’s funeral. She accepted my friendship. Most of the folks that are my friends (45!) are from Brainstorms, but that’s ok. I’ve been there for almost 10 years and I know some of these people better than I know my neighbors I’ve lived near for the same amount of time.

Then I had a chat with a friend from Brainstorms, which was nice. I used to chat a lot, but have not done it recently.

All-in-all, for a New Years Eve, it was very low key and I was in bed by 11 pm.  I doubt it would have been more lively if Dean had been home. As previously mentioned, we don’t really do New Year’s Eve. No, it wasn’t the parties I envisioned as a child or teen. It would have been more fun to have burned sugarcubes or watched fireworks or even chatted with that old friend from high school. But it was what it was, and I have found a new obession, but at least it is something I can share (afar) with my kids.