Category Archives: Humor

Dean’s Pal

I sent this note to a friend today, but wanted to share it here. It was her description of how her Roomba was such a convenient way to keep the floors swept that gave Dean the idea that he might like one. I gave him one for Christmas that he ignored for a couple of months until our friend reminded him how much she liked hers. I’ve created a monster.


From: Dona
To: xxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.xxx
Subject: I take back my gratitude about Dean liking the Roomba

Dear: Xxxxxx

We have a problem. Dean vacuums the floors far too often. Not only that, he caters to the little fellow a little too much for my liking. (I have heard him chit-chatting with it on more than one occasion.)

For example, he places heavy furniture on other furniture so Roomba can move around easier (see Exhibits A through E below. Not pictured: armchair, floor lamp and clothes rack on bed).

In addition, I saved some Styrofoam packing material to place under the front of the fridge so Roomba wouldn’t get stuck, but Dean has yet to use it and the little fella (Roomba, not Dean) gets stuck under the fridge (see Exhibit F below) on a regular basis and cries for help, but Dean is never within hearing range when this happens so I am forced to rescue it.

I write, seeking your expert advice. Should the Roomba go, or the Husband (or both)? I have already purchased an analog device (a broom) for sweeping the floors.

Sincerely,

Sick and tired of saving the Roomba and having nowhere to sit.

Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
Exhibit E
Exhibit F

I need a new nickname (to hide from clients)

I tried to find a new name by anagraming my full name. I don’t think any of these work:

Lacerated Pinko
Pancaked Loiter
Pancaked Toiler
Anecdotal Piker
Cleopatra Inked
Antipodal Creek
Airplane Docket
Palatine Corked
Palatine Rocked
Parietal Conked
Partaken Docile
Partaken Coiled
Rational Pecked
Notarial Pecked
Kraal Deception
Percolated Akin
Carpeted Kaolin
Canopied Talker
Calked Atropine
Lacked Atropine
Cloaked Painter
Cloaked Repaint
Cloaked Pertain
Packed Relation
Packed Oriental
Padlock Trainee
Padlock Retinae
Kneecap Dilator
Percolate Kinda
Relocate Kidnap
Poetical Danker
Poetical Darken
Poetical Ranked
Procaine Talked
Certain Polkaed
Erotica Planked
Locate Kidnaper
Cilantro Peaked
Contrail Peaked
Optical Kneader
Topical Kneader
Capitol Kneader
Cloak Repainted
Cloak Pertained

My given and surname give me this:

Antacid Pork
Captain Dork
Radiant Pock
Adaptor Nick
Picador Tank
Caption Dark
Apricot Dank
Tack Poniard
Captor Kinda
Actor Kidnap

If I had to choose from these I’d either be Caption Dork or Cleopatra Inked

Journal Entry in Three Voices 7-22-04

Ha! I already wrote about this

Backstory: For some reason Clare, Andrew and I drove to Illinois from Bethesda in July of 2004. Actually, this may have been when we went for Clare’s 13th birthday where she got her ears pierced. Dean must have gone to South Africa.

We drove halfway to Illinois the first day, stopping in Fremont/Port Clinton Ohio. I don’t recall if I’d planned on having us all keep a journal of our travels or if the events of the day made me want to keep a record of them.

The entries are written on Holiday Inn stationery. I wrote my entry first:

7-22-04

Left home at 11:10 this morning. Had hoped to get an earlier start but no luck. Kids were fine — great first few hours then they began watching LOTR-FOTR. Stopped in good old Breezewood for lunch and gas. Bought too much icky food.

Arrived at Motel in Fremont, Ohio around 7:30. Checked in. Kids wanted to stay in the car.

When I got back Clare was doing something to Andrew’s back. I jokingly asked Clare what she did to Andrew. Then I saw that he had the seat belt all tangled up and around his belly. I helped him escape but was on the verge of calling 911 to get him cut out of the seat belt. He finally did a backwards somersault and slipped free. Dinner was good. Kids watching TV now.

Dona

Andrew went next:

72204

We left a lot later than I wanted but we had TV. We ate lunch at a fine place. Then I had to go to the bathroom really really bad. Then we went to a place we went to last time. Then stuff happened and then… I got stuck in my seat belt and I got to do 2 somersaults. It was weird.

Clare was last:

Today was funny… Halloween woke me up. Awwww. Mom was mad. Dad left blah blah. Ok later, Andrew got stuck in the seat belt umm, I have no clue how. He had to do a backwards somersault errr…

Dinner was odd… umm Mom probably told you, a cute kid (adorable) waved. He was 2, then a thunder storm came. I went to our room and am watching TV now.

The seat belt disappeared in his tummy. GTG.

~*Clare*~