Category Archives: People

A Month of Mom

People

I dropped my mom off at BWI a couple of hours ago.  We’ve been together for the past 28 days — longer than since I was still living under her roof. I’ve heard that you can break (or form) a habit in 28 days, so I guess Mom became a habit.

I’ve been crying on and off for the past couple of hours. For a lot of reasons — relief is one. I’m no longer the strong one. Sadness is another — I’m finally able to feel/express the sadness that was inside me about placing my father in the nursing home. But just plain missing my Mom is the biggest of the reasons. For the past 28 days I’d gotten to know her again. I’ve gotten to know the person she’s become in my absence.

We had a pretty good month if you discount the nursing home / Medicare / insurance worries. We ate out a lot — mostly at Bookers (of which I became Mayor on Foursquare on my second visit). We laughed some, and talked a lot, but mostly we enjoyed each other’s company — sometimes in silence, sometimes not. I hope she feels the same about our 28 days together.

Mom, if you read this: I love you.

New Beginnings

Events, People, Places, ,
Dad in the Navy
Dad in the Navy

If I look at as a new phase of many new phases in one life, it doesn’t really seem so bad. It doesn’t seem like an ending, but a new beginning.

About two-and-a-half weeks ago I drove to Elgin to help move my dad to a long-term care facility because he needed more care than my mom could give him. There was long-term care insurance in place and it really seemed like a relatively simple process. Admit him, promise to pay the deductible, do some paperwork and maybe shed a tear or two. I figured I’d be home by the following weekend at the latest.

Well, Dad’s in the facility, but it was not a simple process by any measure. What with insurance fine-print, arrogantly incompetent doctors, hospitals that pretend to be 4-star hotels and care more about their image than the families of their patients, I lost several nights’ sleep, went through high levels of stress and am still in Elgin.

Dad seems to have settled into the facility fairly easily. He seems to be more concerned about when his next meal is than where his family is or why he is not at home. He’s going to get physical therapy 3 times a week and has a multitude of people to talk to — people who have not heard about his 4-year stint in the Navy or about the time, when he was a child, that he accidentally burned down the school-house. He was always a social person and has not really had the opportunity to be around people for many years. He may not get along with everyone there, but I am confident that this is the right place for him.

This is just a new part of his life, just as going to school was when he was 5; just as entering the Navy was when he was 20; just as marrying my mom was when he was 26: just as becoming a father when he was 28; just as the times he changed jobs and finally retired. He has a new home now at the age of 82.

PS: Yes, I know I’m rationalizing it and, although what I wrote above is true, going to a nursing home, while probably for the best, is not a positive experience for the person going.

Entertaining

People

This has been an unusually people-filled week for me. We had friends over on Sunday for a cook-out which was a lot of fun. We grilled chicken and ribs and took our kitchen table outside under the ginkgo tree, covered it with a long cream-colored tablecloth and ate and talked and drank wine, beer and port for several hours. Yes, I felt it the next day.

On Wednesday I hosted one of my book groups — the all-women one. I served tea sandwiches, savory scones, a variety of British cheeses and a cake called a Victoria Sponge. I’d never heard of a Victoria Sponge before, but it seemed easier than trying to make a fruitcake. I’d also never made scones from scratch before — and was surprised how easy they were to make.

I’m a little embarrassed to say that I worked pretty much non-stop on Wednesday to get ready for book group. I suppose I take it far too seriously. We barely talked about the book, but that’s the way this book group functions.

Then on Thursday — yesterday — my cousin and her husband came over for dinner. They were vacationing in Washington DC and had never been to our house. I served Greek style chicken and beef kebabs, tabbouleh and rice.  It was wonderful to catch up with them again.

It’s funny that I can go days without seeing anyone but my immediate family and be perfectly fine with that, yet also be perfectly fine with entertaining guests three  times five days.  Friday evenings I often feel the need to go out to dinner with Dean, but after this week, will be happy to stay home and eat leftovers. Tomorrow we go to our neighborhood book group and I’m happy to not be hosting. I’m also enjoying the break from other people today.