Tag Archives: RIP

Rest in Peace, Scoop

Death
Some of the DC area contingent of an online group I belong to.

I learned today that my longtime friend, Scott Butki died in late December.

I “met” him when I joined an online group, but met him in person on October 2, 1999. He’s in the center of the group in back — L to R: Adam (who hosted the event at his Falls Church home), Brad (who passed away in 2018) Scott, Me, George (who died almost ten years ago). Seated in front, is Glen.

Scott and I met up several times over the years, when he was still in the area. We saw Dan Bern perform together once; Scott joined us for Easter dinner about 20 years ago; he house-and-cat-sat for us when we were in Ireland. He was a kind person, a good soul. He was an activist. He loved his cats.

Last February he and I had a long messenger talk — he’d just discovered some things about himself and was glad he could now understand why he was like he was.

Half of the people in this photo are gone, all of them before their time. All of them were good people and should still be around.

Rest in peace, Scott. I hope you are in a better place, or at least free of your pain.

Planting Ginny and Jack

Family, People, ,

Aunt Ginny died at the end of 2015, Uncle Jack followed her in 2020. They didn’t want funerals or obituaries. Uncle Jack told me that when he died he wanted his ashes mixed with Aunt Ginny’s and spread on his land in Mississippi. My cousin Joey, with whom the cremains resided for the past several months, said that Uncle Jack wanted their cremains scattered in the waterway in front of their house but Aunt Ginny disagreed because she couldn’t swim. That might be true — but she was actually repeating what her mother, my Grandma Green, said about her ashes.

That is good and all, but sometimes things don’t work out the way one hopes. He didn’t expect that their Trust would have been messed up so much that it took over three years to settle. By that time someone else lived on his property and when Dean and I came into possession of Aunt Ginny and Uncle Jack’s cremains we were reluctant to knock on their door and ask if we could spread their ashes on the property. We also didn’t want to pour them into the waterway because of Aunt Ginny’s request.

While we were still in Mississippi I reached out to Joey to see if he’d be willing to have them on his property, mixed together in a biodegradable urn, planted in the ground with a tree planted over them. Another cousin liked that idea as did my brother but Joey never got back to me. I think he was just happy to be rid of the ashes.

We brought Aunt Ginny and Uncle Jack back home, thinking maybe my brother could bury them on his property beneath a sapling (he wasn’t thrilled), or maybe we could find somewhere in Elgin or South Elgin might allow us to either bury or scatter them.

In the end I bought a kit from The Living Urn and when Clare was in town last month, put the cremains in the ground under a native butterfly bush. We had a small ceremony, played their song, Moon River, and that was that. Like I said on Facebook, it wasn’t what they wanted but it was the best we could do. The Mississippi cousins were neither welcoming nor helpful.

We were married in a cemetery and we now live in one.

Clinton’s Inaugural Ball

Death, Events, Family, Memories, , , , ,

In 1997 I (middle of the photo) was teaching the 6th grade with my friend Joan (third from the right in the photo). Her mother (farthest to the left in the photo) was an elementary school principal and through an organization she belonged to procured tickets to a minor inaugural ball for whomever wanted them. I immediately said yes and asked both my mother (second from the left) and aunt (third from the left) if they were interested. Joan brought her mother and another teacher, Caroline (second from right) brought her daughter (farthest to the right).

We had fun (I had too much fun) and we had our photo taken.

Today the only two people from that photo still living are Joan and me. When each person died I remembered this photo and thought of that photo in Back to the Future where the family members disappeared. In our case though, any disappearance was not due to not ever having been, but because they no longer were. I’ve misplaced my photo and just came across Mom’s copy.

Joan’s mom, my mom, my aunt Ginny, Me, Joan, Carolyn, Carolyn’s daughter