Tag Archives: Dad

24

People

Some of you saw my post on Facebook — I’m back in Elgin.

Sunday evening, while having a female-only marshmallow roast with my friends Catherine and Pam (and her daughter, Sarah) my brother called and told me my dad choked on food at his nursing home and was in ICU in critical condition. Later I learned he’d been “down” (without oxygen) for up to 20 minutes.

My mom called me at 4:30 the next morning with news that the hospital called and said she should get there as soon as she could — the situation was grim. I started packing soon after, jumped in the car and drove 12 hours to Elgin.

During the 12 hours that I was in the car, the doctors decided to use hypothermic protocol on my dad, where they lowered his body temperature to 94° F for a while in the hopes that the cooling would prevent further brain damage.

I saw my dad on Tuesday morning. His body temperature was raised to nearly normal, but he seemed to be shivering. After a while a nurse came in and explained that he was not shivering, but having a seizure and would be placed on anti-seizure medication in addition to 3 kinds of blood pressure medications, and a sedative. Doctor after doctor came in and gave their opinions. Nurses came and went. Dad showed no sign of anything beyond basic life.

Today we rushed to the hospital to talk to the elusive neurologist who told us he wanted to wait up to 72 hours to see if there was any improvement. A few hours later his cardiologist came in and said there was no hope and we should make our decision quickly to remove the breathing tube. I asked him if he’d even talked to the neurologist and why their advice was so different. He claimed the neurologist didn’t want to be seen as a failure. I didn’t buy that and asked a nurse if there was someone more neutral we could talk to. She thought that the pulmonolgist might have a more middle of the road view.

Well, we waited and waited for the pulmonolgist, but he never appeared. Finally he called and talked to me. He said he agreed with the cardiologist and outlined a plan of his own which included removing the breathing tube. I didn’t ask, but wondered what happened to our right to make a decision. it seemed as if he were making the decision himself.

I talked to the nurse again and she agreed that we should be the ones making the decisions. She added that she didn’t have much hope that my dad would recover in any significant way, but that it was our decision in the end.

We’d all made a decision, separately, but it was the same decision in the end. It was the doctors that kept confusing us — giving us opinions that didn’t match the others.

We all want to do right by Dad. There is no chance he’ll recover and we understand this. We’re in agreement.

In the end the neurologist and pulmonolgist agreed that the next 24 hours would tell them what they needed to know.

I wished for a flow-chart or checklist we could go through to make this decision easier. I never expected the doctors to be in such disagreement.

Yes, I’ve watched House. I know TV doctors disagree, but I never expected it to happen in real life. In my life.

New Beginnings

Events, People, Places, ,
Dad in the Navy
Dad in the Navy

If I look at as a new phase of many new phases in one life, it doesn’t really seem so bad. It doesn’t seem like an ending, but a new beginning.

About two-and-a-half weeks ago I drove to Elgin to help move my dad to a long-term care facility because he needed more care than my mom could give him. There was long-term care insurance in place and it really seemed like a relatively simple process. Admit him, promise to pay the deductible, do some paperwork and maybe shed a tear or two. I figured I’d be home by the following weekend at the latest.

Well, Dad’s in the facility, but it was not a simple process by any measure. What with insurance fine-print, arrogantly incompetent doctors, hospitals that pretend to be 4-star hotels and care more about their image than the families of their patients, I lost several nights’ sleep, went through high levels of stress and am still in Elgin.

Dad seems to have settled into the facility fairly easily. He seems to be more concerned about when his next meal is than where his family is or why he is not at home. He’s going to get physical therapy 3 times a week and has a multitude of people to talk to — people who have not heard about his 4-year stint in the Navy or about the time, when he was a child, that he accidentally burned down the school-house. He was always a social person and has not really had the opportunity to be around people for many years. He may not get along with everyone there, but I am confident that this is the right place for him.

This is just a new part of his life, just as going to school was when he was 5; just as entering the Navy was when he was 20; just as marrying my mom was when he was 26: just as becoming a father when he was 28; just as the times he changed jobs and finally retired. He has a new home now at the age of 82.

PS: Yes, I know I’m rationalizing it and, although what I wrote above is true, going to a nursing home, while probably for the best, is not a positive experience for the person going.

My Favorite Veteran

Events, People

Dad's Navy Photo My dad was in the US Navy during the Korean Conflict. His time in the Navy is what he tends to remember the most and he never tires talking about the places he saw while on his tours of duty.

Things I remember him telling me include:

  • Buying a pair of binoculars to spy on the women at the topless beach
  • Driving to and from Philadelphia in a car with a rumble seat.
  • Eating chipped beef (and liking it!)
  • Seeing the Rock of Gibraltar
  • Being offered a job and the option to inherit the family business if he’d marry someone’s daughter (someone he was not in love with)
  • The time he shook hands with Gary Cooper and gave him a cup of coffee. Cooper was on board my dad’s ship because it was being used in the film, You’re In the Navy Now.

Things I didn’t know, but learned today while going through a packet of his papers and photographs, were:

  • he was an associate member of the Thorland Club — a club in Haiti, if the few sources I found on the Internet can be believed

thorlandclub

  • He crossed the Arctic Circle on November 12, 1949 and thus became a member of the Royal Order of Blue Noses.

bluenoseclub

  • That my dad was among the first crew on the ship when it was commissioned, making him eligible to be a Plank Owner.

plankowner

Looking at the post cards my dad bought while on his various tours of duty makes it look like his time in the Navy was akin to being on a cruise ship, but I’m sure he just told me the good parts. He probably had to work hard at his job and I’m willing to bet he was pretty good at it.