Tag Archives: Anger

[Not] Fanning the Flames

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My inbox is nearly on fire this morning. Two email lists are very active with heated discussions. One centers on a proposed cell phone tower at the local high school and the other discussion is about accessible PDFs. While I have opinions about both issues I’m not going to participate in either discussion because I really don’t think that the folks with one view are really listening to the folks with an opposing view so participating in either discussion would be a waste of time, energy and emotions.

Passionate discussions on email lists and bulletin boards all seem to follow the same pattern. Someone posts a topic — sometimes it might be a little inflammatory, but many times it is simply an innocent question — which is true of both of the cases that are being discussed on the email lists today. Then someone answers the question or statement with one point of view and someone else responds to the person with another point of view. Then the really passionate folks start chiming in and often someone makes fun of someone on the other side and then someone from the other side defends their position using stronger words and before you know it, unless the moderator (or a seasoned list user) steps in and tells the folks to calm down or take it off-list or cease and desist, someone is being referred to as a Nazi. I’ve seen it so many times that it is actually sometimes fun to watch.

J. D.

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Our wrestling team won first place at a tournament last night — our second first place of the season. We’ve got a great group of boys — they’re all polite to adults, kind to each other and, of course, hard workers.

I’ve posted about J. D. before — after our last tournament win. He’s the guy who just began wrestling this year as our heavyweight. I wrote about how he learned the sport quickly and easily and placed first in his weight class at the first tournament. Well, he did it again last night. He pinned his formidable opponent in a tough match.

But the thing about J. D. — for me anyway — is not his wrestling ability. It is his kindness. It is his huge heart that can be seen in so many little ways — from his hugs when he wins (or when his teammates win) to his words of encouragement to his teammates as well as wrestlers from other teams he’s defeated in previous matches. (I heard him heard shout, “Use your strength!” to a wrestler he’d beaten in a close match earlier in the day who was wrestling for 3rd place on a mat in front of him.)

When a teammate hurt his shoulder, J. D. was happy to hold the bag of ice on the injured shoulder so the teammate could use both hands to eat. When my son won a difficult match, J. D. wrapped his arm around him, and gave him a brotherly hug. He is always giving.  Always.

What I didn’t mention in the last post was the fact that J. D.’s had a tough go of things. He’s being raised by a single mother and now lives in a shelter with her. When I first learned about his housing situation I wondered if they’d be staying in the area or moving soon, as so many of the shelter kids do. I hoped he’d be sticking around, at least through the end of the school year. I hoped that perhaps a college wrestling scout would see him and perhaps offer him a scholarship somewhere. I don’t really know his circumstances, but a scholarship couldn’t hurt, right?

Last night, though, I found out that J. D. is what is called a “5th year senior”. I guess because he’d moved around a lot, he needed more credits to graduate. He was supposed to be able to stay at the school through May and graduate, but now, for some reason, he is being made to graduate in January. That means that after next week he’ll be gone. Gone from the school. Gone from the team. Gone from our lives.

I am angry about this. Not because he was a winner. Not because his leaving might make us more vulnerable to better heavyweights on other teams, but because I will miss him. His personality. His kindness. His caring about everyone — teammates, parents of the teammates, his opponents, his coaches. The world. How could it hurt to let him stay at the school for 5  more months? His leaving will hurt J. D. and everyone whose life he’s touched this year.

Inconsistant Police Officer Annoys Suburban Mom

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If you know me, you know that I am usually an avid sign reader and rule follower. I never park where I’m not supposed to park. If a sign says no trespassing — I don’t trespass — willingly, although when Dean is in the lead I usually reluctantly follow even if it goes against the rules (another subject for a blog post).

That said, I have been known to drive into and park/stand in the “buses only” part of the driveway leading to the kids’ school. At first I wouldn’t, because the signs clearly state “Buses only”, but because after school one can count dozens of vehicles that park and drive along that driveway, I decided that my one small car would not make a difference. And wasn’t it safer for the kids if they didn’t have to walk across an SUV filled driveway? So I began dropping Andrew off at wrestling and picking him up via the buses only area. All was fine until one day when Whitman’s assigned police officer was on his way out the front doors of the school. He looked at me, shook his head, smiled (not in a friendly way) and ambled up to my car. I rolled the window down and he asked me what I was doing. I said I was dropping my son off. He asked if I knew that cars were not allowed in the area. I said something about it being after school and I thought it was OK then (I should have mentioned the fact that usually there were dozens of cars doing the same thing after school, but didn’t). He said that the sign didn’t give specific hours, so it meant cars were never allowed within the buses only driveway. He then made me turn around and drive out the entrance.

That was my second interaction with the police officer at school. The first time I was dropping the kids off in the morning and turned on my blinker to move into the left lane in order to make the left turn lane (not into the parking lot) that would take me out of the lot. Office Aubrey motioned me over to the curb and chastised me for my action. I was too stunned by this to explain that I was actually going out the correct exit. He didn’t leave me room to defend myself anyway.

The other day my husband drove me to pick up our daughter at school after her driving lesson. He drove into the buses only driveway, against my protests that he was going to get in trouble from the school policeman. He said, look around — there were cars parked and standing everywhere along the “allegedly no cars allowed” driveway. Officer Aubrey was nowhere to be seen, although his squad car was right next to our car.

So I’m annoyed about that. The man needs to be consistent. If he picks on a lone woman in a Camry, shouldn’t he be out there telling the men and women driving their SUVs and minivans that they are not allowed to park or drive in the sign-posted buses only driveway? I think it’s a power thing. He can intimidate me but not a crowd of parents. It worries me that he might be picking on the shy high school students rather than dealing with the more aggressive students. And If the Rate my Teachers website can be trusted, here’s an example of his poor judgment, this time directed at a student.

You can see him “in action” in the following YouTube video of this “Senior Prank”. He made a judgment call – “I’m not going after [the modified streakers]. It’s senior prank.” Just like he makes judgment calls about carpool lines – I’m not picking on anyone when there is a crowd. I’m just intimidating the loners.